Suicide Mission

Gah! I have to venture out to the doctors today. I'm praying that the Dr has some answers. Danté is unnaturally unsettled, maybe a UTI, maybe something else, I don't know. All I know is that I cannot handle him anymore. And well, I can't handle it anymore so I'm hoping the Dr has a solution to my problem. Two children both fighting for your attention all day wears you down. I'm sleep deprived, my body aches, I'm malnourished and at wits end. It's hard to admit, but I feel I'm in over my head. I try so hard to keep up with everything, and Dan tells me that I'm doing well. I probably am doing well. I just know I could do better, I want to do better. I really need a day off. One day where I just do nothing. Maybe I should hospitalise myself, forced to lay on that hospital bed, do nothing but rest and relax. Sounds like heaven. But, what is the likely hood of that ever happening. I mean really, what mother does get a day off? Especially one that's breastfeeding.
Oh don't get me started with that. I hate thinking about giving it up, and I have to remind myself what happened last time with Asuka. Dan promised he'd help out with the feeding, and all that happened was he'd make the bottle while I fed her. Not I get to sleep in while Dan gets up and feeds her. It's an unrealistic expectation to believe that someone who has to get up to work would get up and feed their daughter at 1am in the morning.
Oh, why is this a suicide mission you might ask? When your son doesn't enjoy being in a carseat one bit, and the drive to the doctors is 20-30 mins down the road, you have to expect to stop at least well, 4 times? He screams! From the moment I lay him into his capsule he screams. Just goes off! I pull over every 5-10 minutes depending on how distressed he is, to take him out and settle him down. When he is quiet and calm I lay him back into it. 9/10 times he screams again. Then it's another 5-10 minutes. I hate driving! But I also refuse to be housebound because of a picky child!

So all, which me luck in my venture today. I might dose him up on panadol before we go so hopefully he is more calm for the drive. **sigh** How crazy is that? Have to dose my son up before going out.

I'll send out the results of our app. later today.