It's been a while...

Well I haven't posted in a while, and maybe it's because I have forgotten (most likely) that I was supposed to keep posting. And also I didn't want to fill it with negativity as everything else in my life seems to be these days. I want things to be better, I want to be happy I really do! But there just seems to be so many changes, so many things go wrong that it gets really hard to see the bright side. How I miss the days when I was always able to see the sunny side and be bright and cheery. The good old days I guess.
Well what's getting me down? There was an 'incident' that happened last year when Asuka was quite young where people went off the rails over a comment I made on a forum. Yes, I can understand why people were concerned. But I never deserved the crap that followed. I have never felt so horrible in my whole life. And that sent me into a spiral of depression. It was only yesterday that I was able to realise, that that point in my life was where it all started. The self doubt, the loss of self confidence, the depression. Why speak about this now? Well I have recently found out that one of these "women" have been 'keeping an eye on me'. by Someone on my friends list has been passing along information (mainly status updates) to her from Facebook. Now is it just me or is that considered stalking? After the incident I was petrified of going to the shops, changed my phone number and hid inside my house. I didn't want anyone to identify me, I can't even gather the courage now to go to a damned playgroup.

I am, however, happy I found the source of the depression. So now hopefully I can start crawling my way out of it all. I already do feel better, thanks to the love and support of my fiancé.


And a message if this gets passed on:
I hope you are happy lady. You are a vulgar and venomous person, I hope you change your lifestyle before your son starts mimicking your behaviour. Stay away from me and my family. It is not your duty to 'check up' on me. I will go to the police against you and that horrible website you are affiliated with. Cyber-bullying, character defemation and stalking should not and will not be tollerated.

By the way I have evidence how inappropriate you really are and have copied all your posts and the foul language. I dont think this is appropriate for a catholic school teacher.

Finally some good advice!!!

As you all know we've been having a hard time with Lil' D, a __really__ hard time! I have seen a few doctors about him (notice everytime I desperatly go see a Dr our family Dr is not available!) and all they could say is bullshit. One even told me that he had nappy rash and I should put cream on it. (Note: Danté did not have nappy rash). So when it came time for me to freak out and make another rash Dr's appointment knowing my GP would most likely have no appointments free, I was told to try a Child Health Nurse. Now I never thought much of CHN's because they're not Dr's. They can't help you if the child isn't sick. But I called up anyway. After speakin to an absolutely faboulous nurse, Lisa, she explained that around this age babies develop the seperation anxiety and it will last about a month. She also pointed out that Danté was not getting enough sleep during the day! I should've been on top of that! To be honest I had no idea that he was only supposed to be awake for 1.5hour periods of time. And you know what... It's worked! Just by giving him more sleep during the day, he sleeps better at night. It still takes me quite a while to _get_ him to sleep, but nowhere near the hour and a bit it used to take. Actually at the moment I am up and down to get him down for his midday nap. It's running on about 20 minutes now, so lets just hope he settles. She also suggested I stop rocking him to sleep if I can (which I am more than happy to stop doing as he just wakes up when I put him down) and allow him to whinge/cry a little bit before rushing in. I'm really amazed at how he has been self settling. He will start screaming and give me the cue to come settle him again, and sometimes, by the time I get over to him he has stopped and starting to sleep. I think my boy just likes to cry? Although I hate seeing him do so. I don't want to sound cruel, but I really have to make sure that he's happy and healthy before worring about myself, and sleeping more is going to make that happen.
Oh and is he every happy now?! It's been 3 days since I talked to the CHN and it has been so much better. I am feeling like a human being again, instead of this mindless zombie that just goes on auto-pilot and forgets whole days. Oh yes, I have forgotten days. To be exact, I have lost last Monday. I cannot for the life of me remembered what we did! Just gone, a whole day! I'm sure it's not a good sign. I should start planning my holiday, my escape. Jeeze I need one. Maybe I can do that for my Birthday, it's coming up in a few months. Although I doubt Lil' D would've given up breastfeeding by then, he'll only be, say, 9mo. Yeah, don't think that's going to happen. Oh well, I'll keep dreaming of it...

xx

It just is....

I knew it would happen quite quickly, the time to actually sit down and post something has eluded me. I do have some spare time, but it's usually done lazing on the couch, checking Facebook or plodding around cleaning something or other.
Recently there has been a lot of drama surrounding our lives. Banks loosing paperwork, my milk supply suffering due to copious amounts of stress, moving dillemas, sleep deprivation... You name it, we're doing it.
I need a holiday, a day off... Parenting isn't easy! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. All day it's a constant learning curve, some days are easier than others. And then you just have 'one of those days'.
I hate complaining about my lifestyle, and in a sence i'm not complaining as such. More trying to make people understand how hard it is. I'm unreliable, forgetful and stressed out most of the time. I don't need excuses, I'm living one.

I have no idea where I am gong with this, just jotting down every random thought that pops into my tired little head. Isn't that what this medium is good for? Stress relief... Ahhh good old stress relief...