Finally some good advice!!!

As you all know we've been having a hard time with Lil' D, a __really__ hard time! I have seen a few doctors about him (notice everytime I desperatly go see a Dr our family Dr is not available!) and all they could say is bullshit. One even told me that he had nappy rash and I should put cream on it. (Note: Danté did not have nappy rash). So when it came time for me to freak out and make another rash Dr's appointment knowing my GP would most likely have no appointments free, I was told to try a Child Health Nurse. Now I never thought much of CHN's because they're not Dr's. They can't help you if the child isn't sick. But I called up anyway. After speakin to an absolutely faboulous nurse, Lisa, she explained that around this age babies develop the seperation anxiety and it will last about a month. She also pointed out that Danté was not getting enough sleep during the day! I should've been on top of that! To be honest I had no idea that he was only supposed to be awake for 1.5hour periods of time. And you know what... It's worked! Just by giving him more sleep during the day, he sleeps better at night. It still takes me quite a while to _get_ him to sleep, but nowhere near the hour and a bit it used to take. Actually at the moment I am up and down to get him down for his midday nap. It's running on about 20 minutes now, so lets just hope he settles. She also suggested I stop rocking him to sleep if I can (which I am more than happy to stop doing as he just wakes up when I put him down) and allow him to whinge/cry a little bit before rushing in. I'm really amazed at how he has been self settling. He will start screaming and give me the cue to come settle him again, and sometimes, by the time I get over to him he has stopped and starting to sleep. I think my boy just likes to cry? Although I hate seeing him do so. I don't want to sound cruel, but I really have to make sure that he's happy and healthy before worring about myself, and sleeping more is going to make that happen.
Oh and is he every happy now?! It's been 3 days since I talked to the CHN and it has been so much better. I am feeling like a human being again, instead of this mindless zombie that just goes on auto-pilot and forgets whole days. Oh yes, I have forgotten days. To be exact, I have lost last Monday. I cannot for the life of me remembered what we did! Just gone, a whole day! I'm sure it's not a good sign. I should start planning my holiday, my escape. Jeeze I need one. Maybe I can do that for my Birthday, it's coming up in a few months. Although I doubt Lil' D would've given up breastfeeding by then, he'll only be, say, 9mo. Yeah, don't think that's going to happen. Oh well, I'll keep dreaming of it...

xx

Some kind of Doctor...

Let me just say, "AHHHHH!!!!"



Now that's out of the way, lets review today's little trip to the doctors. It was, well you could say, a waste of damned time! She didn't listen and didn't help me at all.

Lets start with me; I explained I am having troubles dealing with the stress, I feel like I'm going to break down. I don't know how much more I can take. Quote, "When your feeling sad, just think positive thoughts. You have 2 beautiful children, you wouldn't want to leave them. It's your responsibility to look after them. You can't die."
Thanks Miss Doctor Lady, I kinda already knew all that. I already practice the, try to stay calm deal. Here have some money for telling me things I already knew...

As for my poor son...
I have been behind in my washing and he was wearing the last of the cloth nappies. And because it was a little wet I thought I'd do the right thing and change him. I threw on one of Asuka's night time disposables, which just fit him, and ran out the door.
I explain to Miss Doctor Lady that he has been unsettled and screaming for about a month now, and that I think his medication isn't working the way it should. It's Losec, apparently the best reflux meds out there. So I hinted that he may need a higher dosage. She checked his temp, heart beat ect. usual stuff. She then checked his nappy, well, he had broken out in a horrible rash in the last 30mins. "Oh it's the nappy rash, you should try nappy rash cream. That will make him happy and he won't scream as much."
NO! He doesn't have nappy rash (usually), today was the first time in a disposable! Listen to me! This has been going on for months!
Again, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
She then wrote me up a referral to see the psychologist next door, who only works wednesday afternoon and friday. As I said to the Dr, I don't have an hour to go talk to someone. What are my children supposed to do in that time? A 15m old and a 3m old sit quietly for an hour? HA! Sif...

But... I do have some good news (thank goodness!)
A while ago my mum clued me in on a company called Charlton Brown. They were looking for prac schools for their student nannies. I put my name down about 2 months ago.
Today I got a call asking if I was still interested in being a prac family. Of course!!! Why would I say no to a 'free' nanny! She will be starting in July (the new house) and will do Thurs/Fri for the first 2 weeks then do full week blocks! Can you BELIEVE IT!?!
I was praying for an answer, and this happens. I'm usually not so 'religious' as such, but thank you God! What amazing news!

<3 I'm off to meet my man
xx

Suicide Mission

Gah! I have to venture out to the doctors today. I'm praying that the Dr has some answers. Danté is unnaturally unsettled, maybe a UTI, maybe something else, I don't know. All I know is that I cannot handle him anymore. And well, I can't handle it anymore so I'm hoping the Dr has a solution to my problem. Two children both fighting for your attention all day wears you down. I'm sleep deprived, my body aches, I'm malnourished and at wits end. It's hard to admit, but I feel I'm in over my head. I try so hard to keep up with everything, and Dan tells me that I'm doing well. I probably am doing well. I just know I could do better, I want to do better. I really need a day off. One day where I just do nothing. Maybe I should hospitalise myself, forced to lay on that hospital bed, do nothing but rest and relax. Sounds like heaven. But, what is the likely hood of that ever happening. I mean really, what mother does get a day off? Especially one that's breastfeeding.
Oh don't get me started with that. I hate thinking about giving it up, and I have to remind myself what happened last time with Asuka. Dan promised he'd help out with the feeding, and all that happened was he'd make the bottle while I fed her. Not I get to sleep in while Dan gets up and feeds her. It's an unrealistic expectation to believe that someone who has to get up to work would get up and feed their daughter at 1am in the morning.
Oh, why is this a suicide mission you might ask? When your son doesn't enjoy being in a carseat one bit, and the drive to the doctors is 20-30 mins down the road, you have to expect to stop at least well, 4 times? He screams! From the moment I lay him into his capsule he screams. Just goes off! I pull over every 5-10 minutes depending on how distressed he is, to take him out and settle him down. When he is quiet and calm I lay him back into it. 9/10 times he screams again. Then it's another 5-10 minutes. I hate driving! But I also refuse to be housebound because of a picky child!

So all, which me luck in my venture today. I might dose him up on panadol before we go so hopefully he is more calm for the drive. **sigh** How crazy is that? Have to dose my son up before going out.

I'll send out the results of our app. later today.